Are You Feeling Like that Black Sheep?
Are You Feeling Like that Black Sheep?
Are You Feeling like that Black Sheep? or feeling marginalised, rejected from family or friends or is your heart breaks witnessing a partner or a loved one being marginalised within their family circle, friendship or even a collective unit, group or team?
Being the black sheep is undeniably hard. Black sheep are treated differently, excluded, or disapproved of by the “pack”.
People are considered black sheep for a wide variety of reasons, including leaving the family, religion, health issues, not following prescribed gender roles, lifestyle choices, your food preferences, your looks, your energy, culture, having different values, ideals or beliefs than the rest or loving/marrying an “undesirable” partner.
Research shows those marginalised go through a similar process of one or more of the following experiences.
Flying a White Flag of Truce
Those rejected try the truce method by reasoning or seeking support through communication networks with one or more “leaders of the pack” who are probable the main instigators of the gossiping, spreading divisive rumours, disapprove or just constantly fault finding in anything you do. Any communication you have seems to be turned around to continue their grievance or added to their gunnysack of ammunition in the future. Often this fails badly.
Setting up Boundaries
Creating and negotiating boundaries can be difficult with those unwilling to listen, have a one sided viewpoint, or afraid to be marginalised themselves, so they continue to agree with the majority from fear they should never not rock the boat, the fear they will be marginalised by the pack can be keep many on the fringe quiet. Then there are the manipulators in the herd. Some desperately tried to “fit in” for years, wanted to increase popularity as they were black sheep then you suddenly arrive. Great opportunity to shift all the negative attention onto you and free them of the rejection shackles. This is very common in many group situations. Or some use the collective as their means to build up their own low self esteem by being the victim and gaining the support to bolster their values and beliefs.
Are You Feeling like that black sheep
Build, Rebuild or Bridge the Gap
With reasonable family or friends you maybe be able to build, rebuild or bridge the gap while recognising the negative experiences you had with the family or friends can be forgiven but not forgotten.
Generally that means downplaying the lived experience you have gone through, the impact and hurt the marginalisation had on you caused by others and eventually you have to compromise to “fit in” with the herd.
Compassionate people do not want others feeling like that black sheep or feeling marginalised.
Time to Accept Ourselves
Finally you can live authentically despite disapproval and let go of the need of belonging. Welcome the realisation that it doesn’t matter if anyone else deems us worthy, so long as we “accept” ourselves.
Within the larger story of “Us”, let’s view our diversity to be something we should celebrate, and is the one thing that we all are able to appreciate in this often chaotic and messy world.
Realise your gifts of not being part of the herd mentality was given to you and you are a beautiful being regardless of others. Feel deep gratitude that you are YOU!
Our uniqueness is unique to us, and is a gift. The great thing about gratitude is that it is a predecessor for forgiveness.
Remember it is our collective consent to democracy that has fuelled the “majority rules” attitude.
It’s should be done in a democratic society or at least, it’s supposed to be, but there’s absolutely no connection between ‘majority’ and ‘right’.
Family contention can often be an opportunity to let go of self-blame and find forgiveness in spots that were once hidden to us, if we allow it to be.
You are Allowed to Feel Hurt!
You know when you are being ostracised, even if others tell you otherwise, deluded or you are wrong. Remember others negativity to a reflection of their own pain! If others are finding fault in anything you do it’s a strong indication of their own unhappiness and lack of compassion for themselves!
Your mission in life is to be unapologetically you.
You are allowed to feel hurt! It’s important to let your heart bleed. Pain often connects us to our strength, so let it burn with faith that things are only getting better from here.
It is often the stepping stone to massive healing if we are brave enough to take the jump. There is a reason why we go through everything.
Don’t fall into the trap of being Judgmental
Even we are hurt we often try to rationalise, analyse and judge, why these things are happening. Stay above those thoughts, as they will only lead you will a dark abyss of depression, overwhelm or anxiety. Judgment of others generally stems from self-judgment, so the more another person irks us, the more we need to question what irks us about ourselves. Just send out loving thoughts to those hurting others. It’s important for us to remember that compassion can melt every boundary of anger and hurt.
Anger or Anger Repression Makes Us Sick and Unhealthy
Anger and anger repression stirs the body’s ‘fight or flight’ response as well as other emotions including fear, excitement and anxiety. The adrenal glands flood the body with stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol.
Some of the short and long-term health problems that have been linked to unmanaged anger include:
- headache
- digestion problems, such as abdominal pain
- insomnia
- increased anxiety
- depression
- high blood pressure
- skin problems, such as eczema
- heart attack
- stroke
Angry people have very little control over their anger and tend to explode in rages. Raging anger may lead to physical abuse or violence. Often people who fly into rages have low self-esteem, are a breaking point emotionally and use their anger as a way to manipulate others and feel powerful.
People with anger repression consider that show anger is an inappropriate or ‘bad’ emotion, and choose to suppress it.
However, bottled anger often turns into depression and anxiety that may eventually be vented on other innocent parties, such as children or pets.
If you are feeling angry express it in healthy ways. It’s best to walk away from the situation and cool down. Recognise and accept the emotion as normal and part of life. Sit quiet, meditate and analyse the exact reasons why you feel angry, what was the trigger. This is where a coach can be helpful as many times it is hidden deep in your childhood memories. Do something physical go to the gym, for a swim, do yoga or go for a long walk. Meditation is a wonderful way to calm the mind and let go of the chaos.
The Majority Could be Wrong
The majority could always be wrong. Your are the paradigm shift so embrace it! You never know one day you maybe able to sit opposite them and realise it might be possible to have a beautifully imperfect, real human relationship with them. But it doesn’t matter either way.
Be yourself, love yourself and your uniqueness.
Contributing Author: Penelope Jayne – Are you feeling like a black sheep or your heart breaks when a partner or a loved one is being marginalised within their family circle
Penelope is a Holistic Health Guru specialising in Energy Psychology, Hypnotherapy, Food Over Medicine, Neuro Linguistics, Neuroscience, Diet and Lifestyle Intervention, Natural Food Recipe Designer, Healing through Photography and Integrative Nutrition New York.
Are you feeling like a black sheep or your heart breaks when a partner or a loved one is being marginalised within their family circle – Medical Disclaimer. All content and media on the Your Health Website is created and published online for informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice and should not be relied on as health or personal advice.
Better Health Victoria Government Australia “Anger How it Affects People”
