Live Your Life Not Others
Do you sometimes feel less than adequate reading all the social media posts, media coverage where the person just has everything. They have the perfect smiling selfie, great travel stories, they look amazing haven’t aged in 10 years, wonderful relationships, beautiful home and excelling in their careers? Are you feeling a little green?
Before we realise we lost control of our lives, we end envying how other people live.
Stop, it’s all an illusion! We all have our ebbs and flows. Our human experience is about experiencing the good and not so good times.
Your mind can often play tricks on you.
Our ability to perceive the world is a truly remarkable thing .
Albert Einstein said “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”
Neuroscientists tell us that we are all creating in our mind every shape, object, colour, and motion that we see.
It’s as though we’re all just taking a snapshot of whatever we are looking at thinking that’s the way it is, but in fact, we’re constructing everything that we see.
Do you sometimes feel you don’t love your life? Like, deep inside, something is missing?
That’s because we want to behave and live someone else’s life. We get frustrated when you don’t have as they have. This pattern allows other people to influence or determine our choices — we are trying to please their expectations you are trying to “fit in”.
When you can ask yourself why isn’t that me living the dream? This is social pressure pretty common on social media, we see posts, ads showing perfect people enjoying life and before we realise we lost control of our lives, we end envying how other people live and work. We can only see the greener grass — ours is never good enough.
To regain the passion for the life we want, you must recover ownership of your choices.
I coached a young mum and she felt inadequate every time we went to a local mothers’ group. She felt all the other mums had perfect kids and complete control of their lives. She expected the same but at the time only felt exhausted and overwhelmed. She said felt like a fraud because she couldn’t be herself and tell the truth to the other mums because they would see her as a failure.She believed something was wrong with her.
Expectations are an illusion. That’s why most people don’t live the life they want. They feel frustrated and disappointed.
They gauge their life on what others are doing and end up feeling less, unaccomplished and pressured.
This is also very common with entrepreneurs, professionals, creatives, and even in the workplace. Comparing can lead to very negative emotions and harms our creative abilities and productivity.
Many people bear resentment when the outcome of an expectation is less than they imagined it would be, even if their expectation was based on unreasonable assumptions. For example my client saw photo of a beautiful young slim model, decide to lose the excess weight of 20 kilos she gained in her 40s and wanted to give up after 4 weeks because she had unrealistic expectations. Instead we mapped our a realistic weight loss and detox plan and she achieved her goal.
The young mum I coached had to adjust her expectations with motherhood. She now excepts there are days where you’re exhausted and others that are rewarding. She started to be honest at the mothers group and other mums opened up too. She realised being herself, telling her truth lifted the guilt, shame and stress she was experiencing.
You must also reframe your relationship with people’s expectations too. Expectations can create an implicit unspoken agreement between others and you. If you don’t speak your truth, people will assume you are okay with their model of the world.
Don’t let other define yours life, speak up be authentic speak your truth.
The first step to getting rid of expectations is to treat yourself kindly. To take care of others, you have to accept yourself flaws included. When we accept who we are, there’s no room for feeling less than adequate with yourself.
When we feel good about our life we release the ‘feel good’ hormones. Increased levels of oxytocin make us feel comforted, elevated levels of serotonin stabilize our moods and we are emotionally stronger.
You cannot control what others think about you, but you can choose how you think about “you”. Your inner-talk can empower or harm you.
Choose your words wisely. Your expectations can put you in a cage — you are the only one who can set yourself free.You are in charge. Love your life and feel happy for others good fortune.
Written by Penelope Jayne, Holistic Health, Nutrition and Mindset Coach Global Recharge
